I'm regretting my 3 day bender. Drinking like a fish is so fun in the moment but oh how I'm regretting it today.
I feel like a sausage stuffed with fat choices. Why do I do this to myself?
A light went off in my head this morning. Driving in to work I realized how much I liked waking up in the morning and feeling empty. I never really thought about it before. It had always been 'something' that needed to be done to lose weight faster. Its like whoa is this what they feel? Is this why they can't help but not eat? Am I like them now? The feeling I'm craving is so much stronger than a craving for food. I've never experienced this before.
I'm not going to eat today. I'm going to tell Ryan that the girls took me to lunch at noodles. And that I ate the chicken with mac and cheese. It's close to the most fattening thing on the menu. I keep lying to him. I can't help it. He needs to think I'm eating healthy. He needs to think I'm following ww. He needs to think I'm only losing 1lb a week. He needs to think I'm being truthful about it all. I try to seem frustrated that I have low numbers on the scale. It's interesting cuz he's so supportive of the "only one pound a week" complaining I do... it's really been about 3lb a week. Not great but I'll take it. I've been really good about not saying exactly how much I weigh. Then there's no chance he'll do the math and catch my lie.
He's funny though, I know he'll like me at my goal. He can't even hide that he's liking the hips come in to play. you can feel them now without digging. I can't wait until you see them. I can't wait until more and more of this pays off.
New drug: Empty. That feeling is as addicting as my booze- but far better pay out.
No comments:
Post a Comment