Xmas

To start.. shopping.
UGH! Why do I do this to myself every time?? Waiting til the last minute! I can't seem to figure it out I guess.
Whatever.

Okay, basically Christmas was awesome aside from my shopping frustrations.
I had Ryan's extended family on Saturday, without him! How did he weasel his way out? Work.
I bought tons of fruit and veggies- good thing because there wouldn't have been any.
TONS of goodies. His aunt got me these really pretty pearl earrings- just for fun to the women in the family. They're fake of course but still pretty!

Eve's night we went to Ryan's immediate family for gifts and dinner. That was fun.I got wasted off UV cake-- which happened to be a gift from the guy I work with! I don't even care that I was so drunk.
Gift list: Sex & the City series (yes whole series- so excited) then some small stuff- all of which I wanted, no complaints. The movie series was a definite hit for me though.
Although we got a pizza pan (no wholes- fuckin hate the wholes) but it's too big for our baby oven.
We got Ryan's sis/bro in law a blu-ray player with netflix capability. Their reaction was priceless- they didn't believe that was the gift, thought we were reusing the box. So cute.

Christmas day:
Had a thanksgiving meal with my family- grandma was in town so that was nice to see her. I was so hung over- preparing the meal sucked so bad, not to mention I over slept and booze was spewing out of my pores.
Gifts were nice.

Okay, here's the thing. I hate that everyone wants a list from me, then I'm not surprised or nearly excited. boo

It was a very merry Christmas, don't get me wrong. But I'm also in a hurry. It's like I have so much to say in so little time I have to sum it all up. ok bye!

Stillll.

Seems to be working.
Down 2.4lb- I don't feel it though.
I just feel bloated to the moon.

I should post about happy xmas next
Ya, I'll do that.

Eat less, lose more.

Simple right?
Then why is it so hard to just eat less, not at all, or if I insist on eating, why not raw veggies? Why are carbs always my craving?
So irritating.
Read this thing from dr oz though- something about cutting 500calories a day will lose 1lb per week... so if I cut more than that I should lose more than 1lb right?

Right.

Xmas

Went well.
I hate bad food and drank a lot of booze.
Hopin to soak myself with water and concentrate on veggies today. My weigh in tomorrow morning will be ok?

Fuck I hate being fat.

Fruit

Has been my lunch the last two days.
I need to really try hard to be at 155 by my birthday.. only 14lb left.
Then the end is nearrrrr.

Going out for drinks with the girls tonight.
Hoping me as DD will prevent me from screwing up drinks.
Guiness beer is only 126 calories per bottle.. hello new friend.

SO much to do for xmas- I need to stop procrastinating like I need to lose weight.

Tangent

I'm jumping on one, and going for a while.

1. I've been doing good with my restrictions, did eat a burger last night WITH fries. But I had 120c veggies for lunch then my bootcamp and then that burger- ugh. and was doing so well! whatever.

Been making up for it today by restricting. It's hard to skip lunch at work because I don't want ANYONE to think/catch on that I'm restricting. So I just try to eat small amounts and say I've been snacking all day.

It almost feels like a double life haha

2. Ryan put up the xmas tree when I was at the W on Sunday. Was a nice surprise to come home to.

It's hard I don't feel depressed but I feel like there's something wrong upstairs in my head. 

It's like I know I love him, I know he loves me, I know every couple falls in and out of rough patches. But we never have sex, he always blames his testosterone levels and not being able to. I feel selfish for even thinking like this but, so many things he's been doing have been annoying me. I guess I'm just irritable.

3. I know me restricting have been paying off. I finally fell in to the 160's.. well barely! But technically still there. God that still sounds so gross when I read other people struggling in the 100's and 110's. Anyway, my nurses have noticed. I've been getting A LOT of questions about what am I doing and stuff. Thank god I've been doing ww so I have something to lean on. My famous words: "Oh, I do weight watchers" hahah those fools.

4. I like MJ way too much. This can't be healthy. But it's probably fine ;)

No Taste.

Ryans grandma (dads) is in the hospital. Left work early Thursday to go see her. She's in bad shape. It was really sad. Myself I don't know her but twice but I held her hand and rubbed it. I felt like I know her, maybe just reminds me of my grandpa.

Came to find out tonight that she has no taste, hasn't for like 2 years or so.
Now that she's sick she really doesn't eat. Since it's been gone she'd literally eat as a survival. Now that she's giving up, "ready to go to heaven" as she officially said- she cut eating off all together.

Now.. To turn this. If she can eat as a strictly survival tool, why can't I? Why do I insist on eating for no good reasons.
I'll chat more about my feelings on her being so cool with dying. It really creeps me out, maybe it comes with old age.

Moral of the story, maybe fasting for survival would be easier of I couldn't taste?

Wow

I'm full of big plans and full of no action!

1 c chilli
2 bites burger (Ryans)
2 fries (Ryans)
3 chicken nuggets
1 bite chicken sandwich (Ryans)
1/2 btl wine
Water. Sleep.

Tomorrow:
Weigh & workout @ lifetime.
Weigh @ ww.
Work @ wag 10-8
Game plan? Fast.

Need a jump start to my 'See Hips' campaign 2012.
God help me.

Time

To set more time aside for this blog. I cannot believe how busy I've been lately! I have so much to say but too lazy to say it all from my phone's blog publisher- I need to type out tomorrow.

Feeling bloated and tired. I need to get my butt in gear at the gym- that's prob why I'm so crabby tired and fat. Ugh

Yesterday

Went well with both jobs. Yay!

Irritated.

With Ryan.
Yes I've been home less than usual. Yes he's been home alone more than usual.
Learn to deal.

How annoying is that- I picked up a second job so we have extra money. But then he constantly makes remarks about me not being home. God I'm annoyed.

Side note:
My intake has had control today. I've been getting more and more compliments about slimming down. Now that people are noticing I can't stop now.
More. More. MORE.

Boot camp tonight.
God this class will suck, the last class I went to was a week ago... Fuck me.

OH! And get this, I have to go to Ryan's sister's place after work to pick up the info needed for the computer battery.
Happy face. Happy face. Just look happy today.

Embarassed

BUT not going to go in to detail.
Binged yesterday... hard.
I'm leaving it at that and moving forward.

Had a veggie bowl this afternoon for lunch (120 calories).
Game plan to continue restricting intake- oh and doing stair master tonight.

Ryan's off all week- good for Buddy, bad for me. My whole routine gets set off wack when he's under my feet. I feel bad for him though. His best friend moved back to Colorado on Saturday. Ryan's practically friend-less now. They always hung out, Ry's in the dumps about it.
Lucky for Buddy though, he'll have someone to hang out with all week. A napping partner.

Side frustration: HATE our xmas cards. So the pic is great (all thanks to Patrick Nau photography) but the card template I originally picked out was for a horizontal pic- he had called me to say I needed a vert one. Ok right? Ya all is fine and dandy except I had to let him (the photographer) make that call and I disagree. Hate the cards. Like I said, I love the pic, but the msg and coloring looks like poo-dank. I'm contemplating cutting the pick off each card (top half of the card) and shoving it in cards and sending cards with side pics... ugh whatever.

Officially on the schedule to start Sunday of this week for my second job. Invested my ass in some scrubs too. I hope my scrubs are too big for me soon.

Win

Last night was a win, for me!
Ok so first, I'd like to say I restricted very well during the day!

But ok I had to dog sit last night for the in-laws. I knew about this, didn't foresee problems. Mostly correct. Since I did so good with intake restricting, I thought oh hell a beer or two is allowed... right? I had like 3 but man was I feeling 'em since I hadn't eaten. Then Ryan came, brought Miss J, and we had a good ole fashion week night party. I didn't even binge. Vwah-Lah! ;-)
One of the dogs spilled what would have been my fourth beer... dam tail. Oh did I mention the one beer was spilled onto a pillow laying on the couch next to the end table? Ooops.

Poor Buddy slept like crap I think- he doesn't like not being in his own home (well or grandma/grandpa's).
Come to think of it, so did I. Stupid couch.

Staying at my parents' tonight to finish laundry (yes for free) and go to wi with my mom at ww in the am. Or so that's the plan- I've got plans to go to an xmas party tomorrow night (saturday) so my wi on sunday morning will just make me cry so I wanted a slightly more accurate wi = tomorrow.

Anyway, the "win" I was trying to get to... didn't binge with Miss J... Oh the love/hate relationship I have with her. Bitch.

Heart

Mamasita is getting some tests done for her heart right now. I brought her so I'm just in the waiting room... Of a competitor.. Well per hospital systems. This place is nice though not gonna lie.

Trying to figure out how I can make my boot camp tonight. Hoping Ryan gets off in time to hang out with the dogs.
I need to go to class tonight or tomorrow morning. I've been binging so bad at night after a smoke session. I need to stop. It's a goddam broken record- me going on about what needs to be done when I'm like doing nothing to achieve it. Fuck.

B: tea
S: water
L: veggie bowl (120) peaches cup (40)
S: water
D: water

Well my plan is water but I'll let a yogurt go down. BUT if I have my workout tonight I'll scarf something down so I survive class. Tuna?

I'm ready to be skinny. I'm sick of waiting. I read someone's blog yesterday and this girl lost 2lb a day! That needs to happen to me!

Confession

From the weekend.

Saturday: worked 10hr day- had v8 and banana... Ryan and I hung with MJ- so instead of eating I tried to drink my urges with beer... partially worked but not really. Ate like 3 moz stix, a couple fish stix and some fries.

Sunday: Gained 3lb at my weight watchers w/i... AWESOME!
Then I was in the sky with Ryan & MJ early Sunday-- I really ate bad Sunday. Ice cream & frozen pizza. No gym.

God I'm pissed at myself.

Fun note: Ryan went to pick Buster up from my parents in the snow storm so I didn't have to make the hike.
<3 that man.

So Sore.

From boot camp.

Monday's are lower body/legs and Tuesday/Wednesday classes are upper body/arms then Thursday/Friday classes will be total body conditioning.

Sounds great right?

Ugh so sore I stretched soooo much too so I can't imagine how sore I'd be if I skipped out on stretches and walking (slow, to move the lactic acid in the muscles).

I feel like a 90y/o woman all slow and achy!

And of course both nights I binged on food. Needed fuel... bad fuel of course to really stir the "feel like shit" pot (as in kettle!)

Today's plan.

B: Chocolate kiss (mint-- worth it ;)

S: 0

L: Tuna (100cal?)

S: Yogurt (70cal)

D: Skip if possible.. if not I'll come up with something very low cal.

Almost

Almost got a good day in- yogurt tuna v8 boot camp workout. Boom just water then bed. Nope I just ate 2 huge Perkins muffins. So ashamed. I need to put MJ away for a long long time.
Gym tomorrow morning and boot camp night. I'm weighing tomorrow morning. We'll see that goes. Fuck I hate when I do that stupid shit.

Update: my w/i went horrible with those muffins sitting my tummy.. :(

Pharmer Addict

Walgreens PT pharm

Ok ok I take a drug test. Find out I pass (last night). I accept job today. I start at 9am tomorrow.

Awesome, yay for second job!
But kind of nerve wracking.

Buddy will be with grandma & grandpa all day tomorrow.. Yes my first day will be a 10hr day. Sweet.

Ew

I puked.
Ate too much at dinner (rotisserie chicken- hard not to!)
Ya whatever ok I felt gross and ok.

Haven't P'd in a while but that went off rather swiftly. I'll keep that in mind.

Correct-a-mundo!

Yeppers had too much sodium filled pasta riff raff last night. I feel like a fat little fatty fatso.
Water water water. Flush flush flush.