Today.

Is Friday. FRIDAY! Right? Just doesn’t seem like Friday today. My boot camp classes make time fly so fast. Speak of the devil, I signed up last night to a locked in $125/mo for 12 months- thank lordy! I need these classes, I look forward to my class. Who would have guessed I like to push my body? I never did sports or anything growing up, guess I didn’t know what I was missing. Ryan was ok with letting my sign up for a year, being he signed up for the gym and  a monthly trainer and never went… for 7 months. Rip off! Ugh whatever, he’s maintained his weight so I’m proud of him.

Ryan and I have had some rough patches here and there. I get so annoyed with him I look for ways to escape- go to my parents, take buddy for a walk.. a long long walk. Now that it’s getting so cold I haven’t been walking far with Buddy, he gets cold, and I get colder!

I was reading other people’s blog today, so inspiring to stay focused. I badly want to be thin, I’ve never been thin. My family is not thin, Ryan’s family is not thin. I want that, that’s what I want.

Thin thin thin.

Ryan and I are going to have pizza with his grandparents today, his mom said grandma doesn’t look good. She was recently in the hospital. I love that old woman as if she was my own grandmother, if/when she does die, it will just kill Ryan. He loves her to death.

My food today:

Yogurt (70)

3 quakes (25)

Plan… veggie bowl (90)

Flat bread (110)

And #1 slice pizza.. ugh! That’s ok I should be able to burn that off at the gym either later tonight or tomorrow am for sure.

I don’t own a scale (thank god) and my locker at the gym in downstairs- the scale is upstairs. I have weight watchers meetings to give me good/bad news. I really enjoy my weight watchers meetings, it’s like everyone has the same food problems and I do- but I feel I’ve got a hold on how to manage those problems… don’t eat em. Easy as that right? as long as I can stay head strong. My leader isn’t suspicious of my non-eating habits lately because I keep telling her my boot camp class is always tricking my body, I’m only 22 I lose weight fast- that kind of thing. I mean now that I feel so knowledgable about weight watchers and what they teach you, I try to act like I know what to do- which I do know what to do. I just choose not to, I think not eating so much will help me lose faster. I’m winning ;)

As I continue rambling about anything/everything.

I just want to say, I am really in love with my “soul-mate” as cliché as that sounds. We have our ups and downs like anyone. He really gets me though, I can’t imagine someone else would ever be so perfect for me. that stupid saying “he’s not perfect but he’s perfect for me” yup- that’s him.

He doesn’t like to talk about his feelings, but I know. He occasionally says things like “I don’t like to be verbal about it but I do love you, even if I don’t show it or say it”. It bothers me that he doesn’t say he loves me often, I don’t want to sound needy but I do LIKE to hear it. Like every girl.

I love that man. I want to be the girl he’s happy to show off (ei: smoking hot body!)